It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
