Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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