Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
