I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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