What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize