hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
