I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize