Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
