ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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