He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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