i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
