Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
