Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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