Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
