am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
