she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
