the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
