I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
