Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
