i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
