guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
