I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
