my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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