i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
