Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize