We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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