I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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