who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
