made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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