the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
