my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
