Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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