I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
