its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
