just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
