I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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