What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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