So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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