I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
