the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
