I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
did you just send me my own nude
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
