Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
