genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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