Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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