Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
