Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
