I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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