I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
