Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
