You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
