Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize