He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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