ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were trust falling into bushes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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