Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
