So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
