the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize