just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
