Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
