you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
