come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
