I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
