If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
