i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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