i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
