You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
