HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
