Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
