The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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