Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
