I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
