why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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