I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
