my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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