Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
