Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
