I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
