she woke up with a sticky ear
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
