I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
