girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
