the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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