just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
