Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize