You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
