i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
