I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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