im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
