I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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