this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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