you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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