how can u be prego again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
