i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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