Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
