ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize